pop culture ruminations
ariana (as always), summer house drama, kylie/timothee romance, miley's hannah montana schedule, joe jonas' pr push against sophie turner
Quick Ariana Update
At this point, I think the Ariana Grande machine is doing a little bit too much in their quest to make people forget about her getting with Ethan Slater while he had a wife and kid baby at home. Like, it’s okay – if people can get over your overly tan “I’m just gonna let people think I’m Latina” era then I think they can get over the affair lmao. Are they even together anymore?
But anyways: a source close to the couple recently came out and said that their entire relationship was overblown and that, in fact, they never got together before ending things with their respective exes, which obviously no one capable of sentient thought would ever believe.
I don’t think I realized how into PR Ariana Grande was until this debacle. In addition to statements like the aforementioned, we’ve had the Mac Miller tribute album and the Scooter Braun firing to distract us from this whole Ethan Slater debacle. Don’t worry Ariana, it’s fine – you gave us Dangerous Woman, we can overlook this teeny tiny moral failing.
Carl and Lindsey of Summer House Break Up
Well, well, well. How the tables turn. THE CHICKENS HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST. Carl and Lindsey from Summer House have called it quits.
I’m not saying I’m celebrating, but let’s just say I won’t have to fight through tears to fall asleep tonight. This relationship was doomed from the beginning – it’s not just because Lindsey drinks and Carl is sober, but also because of how Lindsey always gets belligerent and picks a fight when she drinks. Lindsey does that classic “I’m daring you to break up with me so I can get mad at you when you break up with me” shtick to which people with her particular fear of abandonment are prone. Having said that, Carl is no peach, and I think a lot of his past bad behavior gets swept under the rug and blamed on his drinking issues, when actually a good deal of it is him being lowkey evil. He’s very much a manipulator who works in the shadows, whereas Lindsey is upfront with her anger (God knows), so they really do have very incompatible styles of confrontation.
Kylie/Timothee
Kylie Jenner & Timothee Chalamet went public with their burgeoning romance (that makes sense to absolutely no one) at a Beyonce concert in LA a couple days ago. My God, Kris Jenner is sending these girls out like SENTINELS. Kris, it’s okay, they can be single sometimes😭
Is it PR? I mean, I really f*cking think so lmao. My reasons are the following: first of all, we have to consider that this is Kylie Jenner, and the Kardashian/Jenners are constantly getting pimped out for relationship clout (poor Kendall probably just wants a nap at this point). Second of all, there are some obvious compatibility issues going on here. Like what the hell do they even talk about? Their differing Instagram aesthetics? More to the point — and I know this is so heinous to say — but I don’t think Timothee, who could get knocked down by a gust of wind, can handle all that lmao. Third of all, someone on Twitter pointed out that the PR verbiage for both Kylie/Timothee and Kim/Pete Davidson (he has NOT earned first name recognition) were exactly the same:
Lolol. I mean, I guess it’s plausible that the Kardashian/Jenner person just has that specific line ready to deploy when describing Kris’ two favorite daughters, but that does seem a tad bit incriminating.
Miley Cyrus’ Teenage Schedule
Miley Cyrus recently went viral for sharing a random day’s itinerary from her teenage Hannah Montana years. The internet reacted with an outpouring of sympathy (words like “grueling” and “shocking” were used, and not sparingly).
Here’s the schedule below:
5:30 a.m.: hair and makeup
7:15 -9:30: interviews:
9:30 to 11 a.m. meeting with editors
1 to 2:30: lunch interview with dad
2:40: Life magazine photoshoot
3 to 5: interview and photoshoot for the Father's Day issue
6 p.m-6:15pm: more interviews
Behind the mere $5 paywall, read our extremely toxic thoughts on Miley’s schedule as well as our lengthy commentary on the Joe Jonas & Sophie Turner divorce. We appreciate you! Xx
Keep reading with a 7-day free trial
Subscribe to Fake Rothko No Taste to keep reading this post and get 7 days of free access to the full post archives.